Marisha is a very experienced lifestyle
and professional Dominatrix in San Francisco.
You can send your questions to Marisha at:
[email protected]

This issue:

Humiliation: Not everyone’s cup of tea, you little scum. And while you’re listening, massage my feet.

Greetings Mistress Marisha,

I have seen a couple of Mistress's and have enjoyed the experience. One thing I have not done is work on a humiliation scene. I have been too chicken to ask. Do you get any requests for that? If so, what kind of scenes have you done? Any comments or observations you may have would be appreciated.

Respectfully,

Hank

Yes, when I offered professional sessions I got many requests for humiliation scenes. Unfortunately, each person means something different when he says he wants to be humiliated. A mistress can't just guess at your particular kink, she has to narrow it down during the negotiation. Do you want verbal humiliation: to be told your cock is too small or that you are a mental midget? Do you wish to experience public humiliation: being forced to do degrading acts in front of a group of women? Or perhaps you find certain acts humiliating: being forced to wear women's panties or act like a dog or imitate a piece of furniture.

I often told people that I didn't offer humiliation in my scenes, as I was not interested in degradation as a form of punishment. Then one day, I did a session with a client and another mistress. After the session, the mistress took me aside and exclaimed, "I thought you didn't do humiliation!"

I answered, "No, I don't."

She replied, "But you were humiliating him throughout the entire scene!"

"What are you talking about?" I thought quickly about the things I had said during the scene. "What, do you mean when I was chiding him for being caught in women's panties? Telling him he was a sissy boy? Telling him he was going to have to suck off a strap-on in front of all our friends? That was just a little teasing within the context of his fantasy."

She shook her head and laughed.

I had to rethink my negotiation process. When someone asked for a humiliation scene, I had to ask what he considered humiliating. Rather than declaring that I didn't do any humiliation at all, I had to qualify that statement, saying that I only did light humiliation, teasing within the context of the scenario. I was not interested in playing with someone who considered himself a piece of shit. I'm not the type of mistress who raises her voice or calls people names. On the other hand, I do find it fun to turn a man into my personal doormat by physically walking all over him.

Almost any scene in the realm of bondage and discipline can be considered humiliating. A mistress can even break someone down through the use of intense humiliation. But humiliation can also be used to make someone feel good. If you have a secret fantasy that contains elements of humiliation, acting on that fantasy can be an empowering, euphoric experience. The mistress playing with you can use humiliation in a positive way to release you from the constraints of everyday life and take you on an exploration of other possibilities and other emotions.

If you decide to try a humiliation scene with a professional mistress, be as honest as you can about your fantasies and desires. If you don't specify the types of language and activity that you have in mind, you may be unpleasantly surprised about the scope of what may be considered humiliation.

Good luck; play safely!

Mistress Marisha

Dear Mistress Marisha,

How healthy is it to succumb to one's fantasy? I have a very strong foot fetish and would like nothing more not only to learn the art of foot worship, but to actually become a full time foot slave. I have even read where one's sex drive is eventually replaced (through extensive training) by one's fetish. I know in my situation i would be happy, but would the Domme I am with be satisfied with such an end result?

Signed: Your daydreaming footrest

Dear footrest:

There is nothing wrong with occasionally submitting to one's fantasy, as long as your fantasy doesn't violate someone else's rights or happiness. If you haven't yet succumbed to your foot fetish, let me assure you that many women enjoy having their feet massage and worshipped. However, I've never met any dominant who desired a full-time foot-slave. Nor have I met any foot slaves who could keep up their ideas of devotion on a 24/7 basis.

Sexual fetishes and their accompanying fantasies can create a useful escape from the drudgery of work or day-to-day problems. But if you were to make your fetish your job, what would be your escape then? Where would your mind wander while you were polishing shoes for hours, or cleaning floors, or doing other services for your mistress so that she could support you?

The essence of many men's fantasies is to become a useful house servant to their mistress. But this fantasy implies that your mistress must go out and get a full-time job and support you, while you loll around the house polishing her shoes and waiting to serve her when she comes home, tired from a hard day's work. Or perhaps you would rather serve someone who is independently wealthy, so that she can be supervising you and doing extensive training each day while you work on her vast collection of shoes. You will also need to massage her feet frequently, as they will be sore from wearing 5" heels around the house all day…

Sexual fantasies are not meant to be acted upon on a full-time basis. If you tried 24/7 foot service, you probably wouldn't enjoy it. If you don't believe me, save your money and try a multi-day foot-worship session with a professional dominant. By the third day, I think you'll be starting to fantasize about throwing Frisbee on the beach, or succeeding in business without really trying, or being kidnapped back by your wife, who turns out to be a bit domineering after all…

Good luck!

Mistress Marisha