Marisha is a very experienced lifestyle
and professional Dominatrix in San Francisco.
You can send your questions to Marisha at:
[email protected]
This issue:
From genetic wiring to golden showers -- hold still while I piss on you, you lying cheat!
Dear Mistress Marisha,
Hi! I have a few questions to ask you that I don't know the answer for ...
1. Why do you think it is that many men are turned on so strongly by women peeing?
2. Do you believe that having submissive sexual tendencies is the result of your up bringing, or strictly genetic wiring?
3. If you're with a partner and you see escorts or dominatrixes behind his or her back, should you end the relationship, or simply keep your mouth shut and don't get caught!
Thanks!
Info Seeker
Dear Seeker:
Since these three questions are not really related, I’ll have to tackle them one at a time.
1. Why do you think it is that many men are turned on so strongly by women peeing?
It is true that watching women pee or being peed upon by a sexual partner arouses some men. This arousal may stem from the taboo or “dirty” nature of toilet acts. Conversely, such arousal may spring from a concept of woman as goddess: that any fluid from a woman’s body is a sacred gift, and to be anointed with such a privilege.
Many man and women are “grossed out” by the idea of playing with urine, but social conditioning forms that distaste. Barring infection, urine is a very warm, sterile fluid that can be used safely in erotic play. Children are often quite fascinated by their bodily functions, and little boys may try to sprinkle other children as a prank. Such acts are commonly found in nature, where adult males of other species mark their territories using urine. There’s a great scene in the movie Wolf where Jack Nicholson succumbs to his animal nature and stakes out his territory by peeing on James Spader’s shoes.
Since urine is associated with territory and dominance, allowing a woman to pee upon you can be a very submissive act. Since women cannot direct the flow as easily as men, a “golden shower” requires that you lie beneath the woman’s body. If she stands over you, your vantage point allows full view of her genitals. If a woman masturbates in such a position and then pees upon her victim, her actions are very similar to a man orgasming and ejaculating over his partner. Such role reversal can be very erotic for both partners.
2. Do you believe that having submissive sexual tendencies is the result of your up bringing, or strictly genetic wiring?
A submissive nature is probably a combination of genetics and upbringing. Birth order among siblings, parental guidance, nannies, and other childhood influences all contribute to your overall character. But sexual dominance or submission does not necessarily get hardwired at an early age. Some perverts that I’ve spoken to can trace their submissive leanings back to childhood, but many others remember a strong formative event during puberty or even in early adulthood.
Submissive men have attributed their sexual propensities to female bullies in the schoolyard, female drill sergeants in military school, being cared for by a domineering female relative, or other contributions by a strong woman in their lives. And your first sexual partner may set your sexual tastes more than all other factors combined.
There is no magic formula that determines a person’s sexuality. Sex is like a seed within us waiting to sprout. Some of the conditions of the seed sprouting may be pre-programmed by genetics. But once the process begins, individual actions or characters can affect our growth and direction if they appear at crucial moments in our development.
3. If you're with a partner and you see escorts or dominatrixes behind his or her back, should you end the relationship, or simply keep your mouth shut and don't get caught!
Well, if you are in a relationship and you are cheating on the terms of that relationship, then I recommend that you discuss your difficulties with your partner. The truth may hurt, but it is better than living a lie.
When I mention cheating on “the terms of your relationship,” I am talking about violating the premises upon which your marriage or partnership is founded. Sometimes people discuss those premises, and other times they are merely assumed.
Healthy relationships are ones in which the partners communicate their needs, desires, and limits. Unspoken differences will create friction, conflicting emotions, and a feeling that your partner is unreasonable. If you honor and love your partner, then you should be able to be honest with her about who you really are. If she honors and loves you, she will respect who you are, as long as your needs and wants do not hurt others.
A need for other sexual partners may hurt your wife or girlfriend. Even acknowledging that need to her may bring up feelings of inadequacy. Unfortunately, our society does not recognize the validity of other relational paradigms besides the monogamous couple. Many people have been brainwashed into thinking that heterosexual monogamy is intrinsically good and all other possibilities are distorted versions of the natural order. If a man or a woman holds such a firm belief about the nature of reality, then any variation will cause discomfort, or a belief that the variation is evil or wrong.
Seeing a prostitute or dominatrix is not intrinsically wrong. I have even had a number of clients sent to me by their wives. Sometimes I receive a handwritten letter or phone call from a spouse giving me instructions about the punishment or fantasy that she would like me to provide. Some couples come to me for joint instruction. In other instances, wives want to watch a professional in order to get a better feel for the finer points of bdsm.
Since dominatrixes do not have sex with their clients, a session with a professional domme may not violate the implied or agreed upon boundaries of your relationship. Then again, the mere knowledge that you are a pervert (even a safe, sane, consensual one) may end your relationship immediately. You know the terms of your relationship better than I. You know what you can “get away with.” But whenever possible, be true to yourself, even if that means ending a relationship. Pretending to be someone you are not to give pleasure to another is not always a kindness.
Good luck! Play safely,
Mistress Marisha
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©2002 Mistress Marisha, may not be reprinted without author's permission.
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