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A regular examination of the darker side of sex.
The Thrill of the Killer
I once had a boyfriend who eerily resembled Charles Manson. Well, not always, but during a stint he spent in jail on an acid distribution charge he let his dark hair and his fingernails grow. His eyes looked way crazier than usual-they shone with a manic intensity that was hypnotic.
You may wonder why I didn't get out of that relationship upon noticing the uncanny resemblance to the infamous Family Man. And now that I'm older and wiser (read that Mom) I ask myself the same question. But then, when I was 18, I liked the excitement. I had a fetish for bad boys-crazy, violent, dangerous-the more insane, the better. Reality wasn't cutting it for me and drugs weren't always available. And besides, there was something sexy about a total fucking nutcase, about the uncertainty of what he might do next. Bad boys are an American Icon. They represent individuality, pure manliness-think Marlon Brando, James Dean, Elvis.
Bad boys come in degrees, just like deodorant or separation, and while most women can probably plead guilty to having the hots for at least one end of the spectrum, I confess to having loved them across the board. To be honest, I can understand why women find serial killers sexy. You've seen the Oprah and Barbara Walters reports on men who kill and women who love them.
Sometimes called the "Bonnie and Clyde Syndrome," the correct name for this particular paraphilia is hybristophilia, the love of someone who has committed an outrage-usually a rape or murder (single or multiple). The fetish can range from mild to deadly, from a sneering rock star to a serial killer. Think Tommy Lee and Ted Bundy. Both fit under the bad boy category but in very different ways. Lee is hot, has tattoos, is in a rock band, probably not college educated, does drugs, so on and so on. Bundy is clean-cut, a college graduate, literate, and most likely wasn't inhaling butane behind the 7-11. As far as we know Tommy Lee hasn't killed. Ted Bundy has. But it doesn't matter; certain women are not only attracted to any type of bad boy, they seek them out, prison bars or not.
The women who marry killers are not all parked in a trailer behind the jail, drunk on pink champagne and slow-dancing with their honey's picture in cheap lingerie. Take the Night Stalker, Richard Ramirez-he married a magazine editor with an IQ of 152 (and probably okay taste in music). This is a man who, when sentenced to the death penalty, raised his right hand and said, "See you in Disneyland." Funny? Yes. Marriage material? Only for a special few.
Why does this happen? Perhaps, the media plays a big part in it. Criminals are celebrities. In fact, it may now be the easiest way to get your Warholian 15 minutes. Celebrities are sexy because everyone wants what everyone else wants. So, criminal plus celebrity might mean extra sexy. Does this explain why the killers that have committed the worst crimes get the most babes? Maybe, but some of these are atrocious sex crimes against other women. It seems as if some women don't care. Or maybe they were violently abused themselves. Perhaps it's the ultimate taboo, thus, the ultimate aphrodisiac. Or simply just the power these men exhibit-not only did Charles Manson have the power to kill, he believed he was Jesus Christ. And he didn't only have a harem of orgiastic flower children on acid, he got them to kill for him.
As someone who does find bad boys sexy, I don't know what to think of this. I can relate to the tingle of fear that must accompany every fantasy of sex with a killer. I can see the magnetism of someone like a Ramirez. But, when it comes down to it, I would be afraid. I would probably have dreams of women screaming in the night with a man's pair of hands throttling the life out of her slender neck. I would feel guilty.
So, is what separates me from a woman who could make love to a murderer conscience or fear? Is it fear that keeps us a "polite society?" Is loving a murderer just a varying degree of any other type of sexual role-playing that involves power struggles and pain? I don't know. In a way, I'm envious that some women can give in so completely and knowingly have sex with human demons. But on the other hand, I'm so glad my sex life will never have complications like visiting hours and death penalties.
Cara Bruce is the editor of eros-guide.com and eros-noir. She is also the editor of the fiction anthologies Viscera and Best Fetish Erotica.
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