This week:
Foot Rubs and Crew Cuts
Dear Mistress Marisha,
I have had submissive tendencies all my life. I dream about being able to just serve and take direction from a woman. My ideal relationship would be to clean and cook for a woman and if I did a good job I would be rewarded by serving her further in person, by cleaning her feet or giving her a massage and spending time with her, the greatest gift to me would be to know that she truly enjoyed what I did. If I did something wrong the fact that I let her down would be punishment enough and I would try harder to please her. Having been unsuccessful in finding a partner I am considering going to a pro domme but I really don't have any attraction to dungeons, latex, leather, whips, or that type of BDSM atmosphere. I would much rather clean her house and massage her feet after she returns from a hard day. Also it is really important that she enjoy what I'm doing, not just because I pay her. I worry that a pro domme would either be too impersonal or I would become infatuated with her and want something more than a professional relationship. Do you think I could find a pro domme to match and fulfill my needs? Would you recommend going to one?
Thank you so much for your time.
B.C.
Dear B.C.:
So let me get this straight: you are wondering if you can find a professional dominant who will allow you to cook and clean and massage her feet and pay her for the privilege, and you want to know if there is anyone out there who will allow you to do that? My phone number is…
Just kidding. Reading between the lines, I realize that is not what you are asking. You are wondering if a pro domme will "fulfill your needs." The answer is, probably not. Sure, she will let you serve her and massage her feet, but she probably will not have an ongoing relationship with you, except for the sessions you pay for.
Most pro-domme bdsm sessions are not "impersonal," but the psychological intimacy of the play will not lead to physical intimacy, dating, etc. If the two of you have good chemistry, you will probably be frustrated by those professional limitations on your relationship. Once you find the "woman of your dreams" you will want all of those dreams to be possible, not just the small subset possible within a professional setting.
If you show a strong infatuation with a professional domme, she may insist that you expand your experience level by seeing other dominants. A pro-domme may get impatient with those who forget the rules, and even refuse to see someone who has difficulty making the distinction between the reality of a long-term relationship and the ongoing fantasy provided in paid sessions.
Going to see a prodomme is a way to experience your fantasy. You would probably enjoy the experience, but it is not a substitute for a primary relationship. If you want a girlfriend or any long-term satisfying relationship with a woman, you need to continue looking in the real world. Have you tried joining bdsm groups, participating in on-line discussions, attending munches? If you want to find a dominant woman, you have to keep looking.
By the way, don't assume that everyone into "bdsm" is into whips and chains and the whole "dungeon scene." Many professional mistresses have "soft rooms" to do domestic discipline, over-the-knee spanking, and cross-dressing/transformation scenes. While some players are turned on by the look of fetish clothes, leather and tight latex, others prefer to be dominated by a man or woman in "normal" clothing: business attire, a pretty dress, work-out clothes, etc.
"D/S" - dominance and submission - does not have to be combined with bondage, discipline or fetish to be intense or satisfying. If you get more involved in the bdsm community, you will find there are many distinctions, types of play, and opportunities to explore. Consider reading a few books to learn more about your particular style of play. In your case, Miss Abernathy's Concise Slave Training Manual might give you a better idea of what to expect or consider before getting involved in a domme/sub relationship.
Mistress Marisha
Dear Mistress Marisha,
I would like my fiancée to get a crew-cut or to completely shave her head. Nothing would excite me more, and she would look so beautiful. I don't want her to feel that she would be disappointing me if she didn't do it, yet I want her to know how turned on I get at the thought of her shaved head, without the 18-inch pony-tail she usually wears. I'm afraid to bring it up.
Help!
Casey
Dear Casey:
Wanting someone to radically change their appearance for our own sexual gratification is natural, but selfish. If your fiancée' shaves her head, she will attract a lot of attention, much of it negative. You may get turned on by her appearance, but she is the one who will have to live with her looks day to day.
If her hair is currently long enough to form an 18-inch pony-tail, your fiancée' may have strong feelings about cutting her hair, and shaving may be out of the question. There is only one way to find out. You can ask her if she would be willing to shave her head. If she is willing to shave, be prepared to buy her scarves and hats to keep her head warm, as well as wigs to cover her in situations where baldness would cause her undue discomfort.
If she is unwilling to so radically alter her appearance for the sake of your fetish, you still have other alternatives. You can drool over Persis Khambatta who sported a bare scalp for her role in Star Trek - The Motion Picture. You can watch in wonder as Demi Moore shaves her head to join the marines in G.I. Jane. Or better yet, you can ask your fiancée' for permission to create a virtual photo of her. Scan one of her photos into Photoshop and digitally alter it to remove all of her hair. If you print it onto high quality paper, you can have a framed portrait of your beloved the way you want to see her. You'll get to see what she would look like without her ponytail, but she won't have to spend five years growing her hair back afterwards.
Good luck!
Mistress Marisha
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